Rosemary, my eldest daughter, is on a mission trip. I cannot say where, only that it is half the world away. She is acting upon her faith. I must act accordingly.
Rosemary is truly away from home. For the first time she is not within emergency driving distance of concerned parents who would come if she called. Though she is with a group of good people she is alone with her God. Alone she can turn only to prayer and faith. Alone she is her own person.
I learned long ago that the greatest gift that I can give my children is to leave them alone. This is not to say that I cease to exist. Rather that I, while being available, allow my children to make their own way in the world. To that end it is I who must have faith. Faith in the knowledge that my children, autonomous, are capable of meeting the world without my heavy hand resting gently on their shoulder.
I must have faith as well that what ever might befall my child(ren) is as it should be. Early in their lives I observed that I could not prevent them from falling off their bicycles. Short of banning bicycles there is no way to prevent the inevitable pull of the Law of Gravity. I realized that my children will suffer at the hands of the world. Let me be clear that I take absolutely no personal comfort or pleasure in this awareness for I too have fallen and have endured skinned elbows and road-rashed knees. I do have some small insight into the implications of 'taking things on faith'.
So it is upon faith that I place my fears and concerns. The mind is a fertile field. In it can grow any number of horrific scenarios. My responsibility is to sow the fields with the seeds of faith knowing that what grows is as it should be - not as I would have it.
I can hear the critics voices, echoing a classic concern, "What if your daughter does not return?" I would be heart broken. A light in my life will have been extinguished. Here the key words are 'my life'. Too often we mourn the loss of a loved one as though it were their responsibility, something that they 'did' to us, something that they 'took' from us. When in fact our loss is a selfish clinging to what we knew not what we know.
It is my daughter's faith that has taken her on mission. She has no real knowledge of God's plan. She can take no solace or succor in personal comfort. She will be challenged in all her senses. Even the very concept of faith that has empowered her to take this bold step will be challenged. She knows that her life and perhaps her death is in God's hands. Who then am I to argue with God? Who am I to question the outcome of my daughter's journey of faith?
If my daughter does not return then my heart will be broken. A far greater catastrophy would be to have my daughter return and learn that her faith had been broken. I would much rather have my daughter wrapped in the loving arms of her Lord than returned to me empty and broken.
I cannot prevent my children from falling off their bicycles... I can only stand by the side of the road and watch.
Bless you and keep you Rosemary where ever you may ride.
Love
- Papa
Anthony Bourdain kicks a$$ and takes names. I thought that the Food Channel was going down the tubes when the show No Reservations left. Compared with the pablum that is usually served by the foodie network I thought Tony Bourdain was GREAT. I was televideologically devastated when he abandon the ship and left it to only us rats.
