Proud of the hole I have dug

When I worked with Alcoholics and Substance Abusers (Hi, my name is Bill...) I would sometimes turn to the 'parable' of the man with a shovel who began to dig a hole...

As anyone who has ever operated a shovel can tell you it is hard work. And unless there is a treasure to be found the act of shoveling is just plain hard work. Often it is thankless work. The prevailing belief is that anyone can do it so what is so great about digging a hole. All that leads me to this, the shovel operator quickly begins to positively reinforce his or her own work.

In very real sense we begin to 'own' the hole. We take great pride in the straight vertical walls. We gain a sense of accomplishment as the depth of the hole increases. Once we have committed a significant amount of time to the digging process we don't feel that we can give up 'all that hard work'. So we continue to dig...and dig...and then a stunning realization befalls us.

We have succeeded in digging a hole so deep that we can't get out. Yet because we have such a vested interest in the hole we cannot stop digging. The elation and euphoria of achievement slowly becomes replaced with frustration. Literally the walls begin to close in upon us. Faint light shows down on us from a small opening high above. Only occasionally do we get to see the sun. Depression soon follows.

But because it is the only thing we know, the only thing that has given us meaning and value, we continue to dig.

In many respects I have dug a Linux hole. And while doing so I have thrown dirt in many different directions. I attempted to heap a large pile on Microsoft. I believed that the Redmond Behemoth was a monopolistic blood sucker intent on depriving me of my right to self determination. I have even gone so far as to suggest that Microsoft decided what was best right for me.

I was so busy admiring the depth and verticality of my hole that I missed the fact that I was in so deep that I couldn't climb out. Then someone started to throw dirt down on top of me. Dirt from the heaping pile I had tried to bury Microsoft under.

Ok, now watch carefully because this is important...

Being tasked with the responsibility of maintaining and developing Access2003 databases in conjunction with a IIS server offering .ASP pages that contained ActiveX components and VisualBasic code segments means that I now need all the Microsoft assistance I can get.

The wonderful irony of my 'hole' situation is the dirt that is being thrown down on me feels initially like the insult that I originally threw so freely at Microsoft. It is in fact just what I need. I will stop digging. I will allow my hole to be filled back in and I will eventually be able to climb out. True, I may come up covered with dirt but I will emerge into a day full of sunshine.

Hopefully I can leave my pride at the bottom of the hole.